i haven’t really written in awhile. there is SOOO much to say.

i have been soaking it all in and now i feel full. it is time to empty, time to give, time to let out, time to unload.

nikki is leaving.
chris and mel are dating.
i remembered that i have more in common with my sister hannah then i thought.
i have been pondering the thoughts of understanding. i seek to know. i have this never ending desire to know the why’s to the world.
i am finding that sometimes the understanding gets in the way of the one who gives understanding.
i am learning to listen. by not just hearing with my head, but listening deeply, with my heart.
i am seeking my motives in the desire i have to mission. there is a DEEP yearning in my soul to go and share. but then i remember that my one and only true calling is to love the giver of all my desires, with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. after that all else falls into place.

take this amazing adventure i am on. there is no possible way that an alcoholic, who deals with anger issues and cannot commit to life because of fear, could ever get to the place that i am today.
i feel myself.
i feel loved.
i feel right.
i feel.
i never had the chance to feel before. before i tried everything i could to NEVER feel. funny thing is, now that i have begun to feel i see that this is a journey that is only beginning. i always saw that stopping for a bit and dealing with my reality would be scary, unbearable and unhealthy. today i realize that was a lie. there is so much good that i could never have lived in, never have tasted, never have seen if i had kept going on the path that i had chosen.

on my journey Someone intercepted me and told me the truth. i was on the hard way. i was on the long route and that ultimately the path i was on went straight to death. somehow i was shown a different path. and i will be forever thankful. today i am living life. i am alive. i am becoming healthy. i am loving deeply.

there are many more thoughts to purge but for now that is a good bit to chew on.

life.

oh and just an fyi, the sunset tonight was mind-blowing! i got to watch it and type at the same time. oh the glorious joy's of living in falcon. i can't believe i get to live this life.