Relief

Today I feel planted. I feel like a tender seedling that has been growing in an itty-bitty seed pot, for the last 27 years of my life. Today I feel that I have been put in the ground. I can feel my roots already reaching for richer soil. This is strange being able to move differently, but it feels so good. It feels right.

Today I feel lighter. I feel like pet bird. A bird that has received so much love, but a bird that has been locked in a cage. Today I found the open window, and I am flying high. Soaring above the buildings, living as I was intended to.

Today I feel loved. The tremendous help I had drawing me towards this momentous event in my life is overwhelming, in a good way. I could have never gotten to this place on my own. I could have never kicked my habits, or learned about family, and relationships, or God, or love, or how to respect you, or how to tolerate scary movies without help. I am forever grateful for those of you who have pushed, pulled and even at times dragged me to this day. I will be forever changed.

Today I feel the newness of this moment. I feel that I have not only turned the page, but also actually sealed the book, and started a completely new one. Scratch that, I have turned the page, finished the book, and then bought a kindle. Today is crisp with newness. The decisions I am making today are affecting me for the rest of my days, and for the first time I am proud of this novel.

Today I feel myself. There is no longer a need for pretense or self-discovery. I know who I am, but more importantly I know who I am becoming. The lovely lady on the inside is satisfied with this moment, because she knows there is only a better thing to come.

Today I am resolute. Change has always turned my world upside down. I usually let it win, but this time around it did not. I let it come and hit me with its hardness, and at the end it was only a scary storm that I am standing on the other side of. This is proof that the planting has taken.

Today I feel planted.