It is amazing to me that I am willing to pay four bucks for a latte, but feel guilty about “splurging” on a five dollar album from amazon. I can buy things to improve my state of being, but can’t buy stamps to send others encouragement. How pathetic. I am seeing so many skewed values that I have in my life, and priorities that are misaligned.
Gr. I’m having a hard week. I feel like phrase is on repeat. Learning that it is okay to say: “I hurt today” or, “sorry I haven’t seen you in months, but I have to go home and sleep...some more!” I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin right now. It is probably the meds. Last week I was so emo. Like crying over nothing, emo. This week I am irritated at the world. I’m frustrated with my limitations, I am frustrated that my only way of being close to those I love is to friggin facebook stalk them, because I am so outside of their world. Stupid facebook and its over arching removal of intimacy.
I’m annoyed because I want to “DO”, yet all I can muster up today is a feeble “BE”. I don’t really know how to “BE”. I know how to fill every waking moment with busy moments, busy conversations, busy informational gatherings, busy artistic outbursts...busy, buSY, BUSY!!!!!!!!!
Enough. Apparently God is STILL trying to get my attention. SLOW DOWN!!! I honestly don’t understand how I could go any slower, but I am sure He could find a way. I am positive the God of the Universe, in all His wisdom and infinite power, could figure out how to slow me down even further.
As I begin to accept this reality and season, I am trying to love God. He has me here for a reason. There is so much pride that is shattering my world apart right now. I am again weighing the difference of the idol of Intellect I have and the gift of Wisdom that comes from God. In seeing the huge amount of love I carry within myself yet cannot give to others, I hold myself in much esteem. I also hold God in a very low view. I pity myself and disbelieve that God could stoop to my level “get dirty” as it were. How foolish I am! Is that not what the entire life of Christ was about?
He walked everywhere, just like I do.
His shoes were nowhere near as high quality as mine.
He was “poor” by human standards.
Did not own a house.
Did not crave Glory and Honor.
Did not consider equality with God something attainable.
FOLKS: HE. WAS. GOD.
God as man did not consider-think about and be drawn toward, believe or regard-that equality with God was even worth putting effort towards. If I am being made like Christ, then I might just have to think about this a bit deeper. Am I trying to become something of worth by “DOING” so to prove to God that He can love me?
Do I think equality with the INFINITE achievable? Do I as a finite creature, go out of my way to prove WORTH by DOING? What can I do that will ever come close to the exact opposite of me? Wow. What a high view I have of myself. What a poor and tiny view I have of the Infinite Cosmic Glory that comes with GOD. Outside of all my comprehension, yet HE stooped to my level. Made Himself human, to intervene in my life. What a way to flip this story on it’s head. What a simple way to take the brokenness out of the picture. How creative can you get?
We say that God doesn’t understand our pain, our hurts, our hearts, YET He WAS in our shoes. HE WAS HUMAN, with all the brokenness and abuse and pain that came with that. He chose to stoop down and take all the shame of being human-not only personally but, corporately. He placed his Glory on me, that I may enjoy the truth.
What beauty I am finding in Philipians 2:
1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like- minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Do Everything Without Grumbling
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[c] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. 17 But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18 So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.
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I tend to see the sparkle in verse 15b-16a: “Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life”.
I forget what was said earlier in the chapter: “have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
Shining like stars hurts. It is not simple, or lovely or pretty. It is a brutal love. Love that means something. Love that I can’t portray on my own. Love that will overpower all the bad with Good. Love that has lifted my bondage. Love that stepped into my shoes, quite literally. Love that overcomes every broken facet of my life. Jesus LOVES me.
Now in return I get to Love God and Love others.
What a concept.
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