i thought i would sit down and write a bit of what GOD has been doing in me over the past couple of months. i really felt that it would be good for you to hear how GOD has been drastically changing my life. 

while i was in 24-7 my parents were beginning of what has turned into a nasty divorce. way before new life was going through the heart-ache of the sex scandal, my family was being ripped to shreds by the same evil. 

i don't think this is the time or place to get into details so i will just give a framework. basically my family's motto has been one of hurt and anger. physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse are tools of the trade. needless to say i have been holding alot of anger, bitterness and pure hatred inside of me for a long time. 

i honestly cannot even say why i went to the mill for the first week of the 7 deadly sins series, except that the HOLY SPIRIT has been haunting me. i haven't even thought about new life for three or four years now. my life has been consumed with fear and trying to find comfort in any way possible other than GOD. 

the past few years have been intense. i have given up and traded GOD, family and friends for alcohol, nicotine, sex, work and anything else that might be big enough to fill the void. anything to hide my pain behind.

the thought of church left a foul taste in my mouth. i would say that i have been a casualty of religion, never understanding the realness of a relationship with the messiah. my knowledge of what i thought i knew was just enough to never understand the reality of JESUS. 

all that to say the HOLY SPIRIT brought me to the church and my life is in the process of actual, physical change. the pride sermon ignited something inside of me so i would come back to hear the greed and gluttony talks. after that i went home and cleaned out my house, i gave away my excess. i was able to get rid of 11 kitchen sized bags of clothes, to a shelter. i am on a 90 day spending fast and have gotten very hardcore with a budget. i will be out of debt within 6 months!

the ball began rolling with physical acts of repentance, softening my heart and ears to hear the lust and anger talks. these two have hit me below the belt. these last weeks i have been shattered! psalm 51 has been my reality. broken i have come before my savior finally understanding a minute bit about grace. the understanding of my humanity, the way i have put myself in GOD's throne saying i am better than he, and the sheer weight of the forgiveness he has bestowed upon me! 

so, tonight after hearing wrath i went home and had a very serious talk with GOD. i have done such horrid things to my ABBA and received unfathomable forgiveness. how dare i turn around and continue to be unforgiving towards my father. so tonight i spoke the words out loud. not by my will but with GOD working in me. i have only begun this process of progressive sanctification. forgiveness, i have a feeling is going to be a hard and tedious journey. but i am on the road to recovery. i am being remade. i am learning the act of forgiveness and purity.

 i know that there is so much more to my story and GOD has only just begun.