breakthrough.

you see right through me. i cannot get on your same page even though i try. oh how i try. you see me for the shape i make not the person i have become. i see now that i could never be good enough for you. it wouldn't matter what i did. you see right through me. the the image i have to live up to is just that, an image. you recognize the shape and curve of her in me, but in reality she is just a fantasy. you do not realize that your entire life is wrapped up in her. you wish that i could be her. this magnetic pull to the vision of the imaginary is not unlike a black hole, pulling your entire world slowly into one fantasy.

no wonder i felt abandoned. after you spent the evening with me there was always her in your head. the way you looked at me was not right. yet i knew. i knew you were addicted. i knew you were trapped. i even tried to be her for you. i tried so hard to be her.

as i realize this. i see that my life has been spent striving. never good enough. never wanted for anything other than my body. never desired for true intimacy. i see now why my hope must lie in no one but Christ. my all in all. my every hope and dream. my TRUE love. for until i have him as first in my sights i cannot expect anyone to see me as more than a shell. finally peace. i will find my purity in Christ alone. i will find my worth in Christ alone. i will find my truth in Christ alone.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

-In Christ Alone

lyrics by: Stuart Townend, Keith Getty