joy comes after mourning

i am i fly on a wall. at a funeral for one i do not know. watching the interchange of the two daughters in front of me of the one who has passed. one leans in to the other and whispers: "she really was a good mother after all" as the daughter who knew her best reads her piece. in tears she shares true love, not a love that can be created by you or me. no, this love is one that was given to her. through her deep sorrow she shares how she was given a second chance.

a second chance.

this is something we all desire. even the small moments in life sometimes leave us with a tinge of regret. "i should have chosen the starbucks java ice cream instead of the chunky monkey that i always get!" we see a chance and don't take it because we are afraid. we should have taken that picture, we should have said hello. we shouldn't have spent that money.

i sit uncomfortably in the chair at this memorial service. i see a lot. i always see things differently but today i see what GOD is seeing. he is giving me a window into a story. the woman who we are mourning has led a lengthy life. she died in her eighties. she is survived by many family members. she has a story deeper than the one i hear being spoken on the stage.

stories.

stories take time to tell, mostly because they take time to be formed. any writer will tell you that the task at hand is always a journey. every word written is placed precariously in a semblance of order so that the reader might comprehend what the original thought was. stories are always deeper than you might think. stories always deserve the chance to be told.

i sit and remember this past week. it began almost a thousand miles away when i decided to help my friends drive out to indiana to see their dying grandmother. along our journey this woman's story begins to unfold. she was supposed to die five years ago. she was supposed to have no family at her deathbed, she was supposed to have wasted her life.

then GOD.

GOD miraculously healed her body. he also began speaking into the hearts of those who were knit into this story before the foundations of the world were formed. in five years time GOD brought a family back together. he moved the unmovable. he shook the unshakable. this is nothing short of proof in my mind that there is a GOD.

HIS timing is impeccable.

HIS story is better than we can write it.

HIS idea of a lost soul is different than mine.

as i sat and prayed over a dying woman i felt the presence of the Most High GOD in the room. as i saw sisters talk that hadn't in over twenty years i saw the craft of the Master Story Teller. as i realized that GOD will do whatever it takes to reveal his love for us even if it means keeping someone alive when they don't want to be. as i sit here and think of the amazing second chance i have been given in my own life i cannot be unchanged.

death shook me this week.

not only the physical realities of it.

this simple act: one who was complete, one who was right, one who is incapable of living my "idea of normal" gave his life as an act of love; this my friends is what its all about.

there is nothing else.

i have spoken many empty words in my life. if you only ever hear one thing may it be this:

unworthy of love i have been given life. now my life is nothing to me except to bring glory to the love of my soul. my highest aim is to please HIM and HIM alone. nothing, not even death nor a life of pleasure, will stop me from attaining this. this is selfish and i will be known for it. i will make HIM the highest in my life.

this i am willing to die for.

this i am willing to live for.