a fog.

i am writing about love right now. its hard because i have such a jaded perspective on the subject, so i am procrastinating and taking a minute to push past the wounds and writers block to think about something that has been on my mind all day. maybe this will give perspective, maybe it will not. truth is, this is pressing deep on my soul, so i shall let it out. this may not even be a complete thought yet. we shall soon see.

vision.

today i had the chance to see the break of a new day. the weather here in falcon is always absurd, so there was no surprise when i looked out the window to see a rather wet and misty, thick fog. this fog did however take my guard down and reach into the deepest part of who i am to speak to me. i noticed the strangest things this morning, as i was met with a different view than i am used to. the trees were vivid. the houses striking. the country landscape was perfectly framed. as i passed a house with a barn by its side and a tractor gracing its front yard, i thought this yard was made simply for this moment in time. it was stunning. as a young girl stepping into womanhood, so to this yard had taken my breath away. i honestly have never seen the beauty of that yard before. as i sought the reason for this striking moment, why i noticed this house today and never think twice about it any other day, i was struck with the realization that only fog can bring: depth perception. the backdrop of this house is normally three or four other houses overshadowing it, causing you to look right past it and see only a crowded landscape. a busy backdrop.  the perimeter of my vision outshines the house at the forefront. simply, the fog took away all the excess, trimming away at the unnecessary abundance, creating a sparkling simplicity that overwhelmed my eyes.

the fog this morning caused me to see differently. there are a lot of things in my life that i have been worrying over the past few weeks, mainly what this upcoming year will look like. where to live, what school to go to, how to finance this decision to get an education, is this the right decision, etc. all these big things, looming over me are causing me to see only the future. my perimeter is out weighing the beauty of the center of my life. so i broke it down. today i have a place to stay, food in my stomach, enough money for this moment, strong women to share a day out with, everything i NEED to make today phenomenal. that thought brought a much needed smile to my face. i realized once again that today is all i have in reality. tomorrow may never come. i must face the simplicity of this moment and be mesmerized by this chance for life now. today is a gift. yes i will continue to plan, but those plans might change. yes i will see a bigger picture, but not lose sight of this sparkling moment i have been given.

i needed that. a change in perspective.

the second thing that will not leave me alone? 1 timothy 4:7-16

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.



This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe.


Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

this text has been written on my heart. for some reason i couldn't stop saying it all day long. flipping it over and over in my brain like a coin in my hand. word for word. by memory. anyone who knows me, knows that this, in and of itself, is a miracle. so i will do my very best to pull it apart, i'll check out the context of the passage and do a bit of exegetical study by going back into the greek. yes i will search out the meaning thoroughly, but i will also let it sit on my heart where i found it this morning.

today friends, has been glorious.
now i must be off to write about love.