truth serum

life.
life is crazy.
there are so many twists and turns on this journey, that i cannot even believe the reality that comes with it at times. there is so much to say about the past and the future. the path that brought me to where i stand today and the journey i am on to the end of my days.
but that is not for today.

today.
today i sit and ponder. today i take another step away from the eternal pressure to "do" and i direct my thoughts on the person of "being" that i am. who would have ever thought worth could be found, not in the job i have, the car i drive (thankfully), the persona that i have created for you to see, or the pursuit of the american dream.

no friends, my worth is found in TRUTH.
oddly enough truth hurts. sometimes pain is what will trigger a passionate pursuit of something real though. it certainly was the case for me. i will never be able to say that pain is fair or that pain is anything i would wish upon anyone. pain is what caught my attention, what finally made me say aloud "there must be something more!?!"

pain is what made me ask questions. questions that hurt. the kind that attacked my dignity, morals and even my family. these hard questions were life changing. i didn't stop asking when someone didn't know. i kept searching. i kept seeking. i keep searching. i keep seeking. through all that, i found some things hard to swallow, but just because there is a hard pill to take, doesn't mean it is any less good for you.

truth will shock you at times. it will shift your reality, because often times we create our perception of reality by what we think we know, not by what is true. truth will perhaps, be hard to find. it doesn't mean you stop, give up or leave your perceptions as they are. truth is always worth finding, always worth defending and just because it's hard does not make it bad.

today.
today i look forward and see a future of hope, happiness, peace and strength (not without the crescendo of many a stormy hardship), and love. do i have every question answered? no. am i still asking them? you betcha.