eulogy

this is in remembrance of the way things were. an homage to things lost. a reflection of the way things were. nikki wrote an "i miss blog" a bit ago and i simply moved me. it made me remember, reflect and want to move on. unfortunately i live in the world of out of sight out of mind and sometimes i feel forgotten. i am learning though that, yes it is ok to miss things and people, but it is not ok to live in the past. so today i remember and today i move on.


i miss driving. i miss the windows rolled down and the music blasting through my ears with my arm floating freely on the wave of the wind.


i miss meeting people for coffee. i miss being able to get there early and ponder the conversation that will be and i miss staying after in wonder at the words and hearts just shared.


i miss coffee dates in general. i miss the art that is people watching, i miss talking to fellow believers about what GOD is showing them, i miss bucks. the coffee there is awesome.


i miss _tag on wednesday nights.


i miss being involved in a worship set that i know all the words to.


i miss "leading worship". i didn't really like choir all that much while i was in it, but there was something about standing with a group of people who were in absolute harmony, worshiping GOD with all that is within.


i miss prayer meetings where people actually pray...out loud.


i miss high view. i miss being able to discuss a sermon for an hour on the way home.


i miss having my own place.


i miss nina, belicia, maria, nathaniel daniel, megan and all of the other amazing people that i was just barely getting to know and haven't seen in MONTHS.


i miss working. not really the job i had, but i miss being able to accomplish a task set before me, and the money was nice to.


i miss walking to work. last year i saw every tree, flower, bush, and shrub, bud and blossom. it is happening now and i am missing it!


i miss my tiny garden. i learned so much last year through that patch of concrete, turned greenhouse.


i miss hugs.


i miss boba with my homies.


i miss elizabeth. i miss her baking. i miss being perplexed by her logic. i miss all of her straight lines. i miss sitting and watching her sports. i miss her beauty. i miss her strength. i miss out times of accountability.


i miss audrey. i miss our blossoming friendship. i miss her wisdom. i miss her beauty. i miss her worship. i am so astonished at the woman she is becoming and i am missing this transformation.


i miss becca. her wisdom, her style, her worship, her prayers, her accountability. mostly though, i miss her friendship.


i miss taylor. i miss his desperation for the LORD. i miss his passion for the lost. i miss his playful attitude.
but he is in germany, headed to africa so that makes it better.


i miss nikki. i miss the overhead light being on, so now i turn it on and pretend she is here. i miss late at night when we are half asleep and she talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, until one of us falls asleep. that is my favorite side of that girl.


i miss my mom. i used to be able to crash her house whenever i needed her and now i can't. i truly miss that.


i miss mrs billingslea and our lunch dates. when she speaks pearls of wisdom drip from her mouth. it is refreshing and astonishing


i miss chris. not that i don't get to see him often, but i miss how we used to be.


i miss wooree and her endless questions that made me think. her childlike view of the world brings astonishment to my life.


i miss the incline.


i miss the wind wisping through my hair and brushing gently on my skin, instead of picking my off my feet and trying to tear my clothes from me.


i miss how much community used to matter to me.


i miss community.


i miss late nights pondering about the character of GOD.


i miss all these things and more. some of this missing hurts deeply. some of it doesn't as much.


i know that i am here today, for a specific reason. i cannot live in the past because a new story is unfolding right before my eyes, AND I AM MISSING IT. i have been brought to this place in time, surrounded by amazing people for a specific reason. there is nothing GOD does that is done just for doing.


GOD is always intentional.
ALWAYS.


so, i will love where i am. i will take the opportunities that i have been given and i will enjoy every second. i am learning SO much here. i have a feeling that when my time is up here, i will miss it too.