A Quandary of Sorts.

Every decision you have made has been created by two things: 1) Your past experience, and 2) your knowledge of the choice to be made. When you make a decision it is based on reactions you have had to similar situations in the past. Our brains are very unique and engage differently than we might expect them to. We usually only remember a positive reaction, but if a negative reaction is implanted into our cognitive reality it will derail even the simplest of choices. The past, mainly the past we do not want to face, is a major factor in the process we use to decide right or left, yes or no, right or wrong.

The other side of this coin, is the ability we have to accept new information. When you look at a new menu, how quickly you can process the massive amount of choices you face, determines how simple this decision becomes. Most of us cannot take it all in, so the decision rests squarely on the shoulders of what we know. "I know I like chicken, it is not often that I do not like a chicken dish, therefore I will have chicken".

Interestingly enough, we live in a constant state of reaction. Distinction comes at points in our lives when strategic action replaces reactive reasoning. Think about this: if I meet a homeless gentleman who asks me for money and I react to his need with a dollar, this response does not affect this man's state of being, but only a momentary blip in his life. If on the other hand I am strategizing in ways to enter into his life with a question of change then the reactive duty lies in his court and he must make a shift.

My quandary lies here; if the obvious change happens in the moments of active planning then why do we live in a state of reaction? We are all capable of ingenious ideas, or know of others who have ideas that can effect change, yet we choose to react. Why?

The better route seems obvious, so why not take it? Why not face the past that will sway our choice with bias? Why not execute the ideas we have that may change the world? Why not try the steak even though you know you like chicken? Why not? What is keeping us from living to the fullest potential we were made for? This dear friends is a deep question, one I hope you will wrestle with as I am. Maybe together we can, and will, change the world.

Simply Delicious

If I was an artist I would paint fall and never tire of it.
If I was a photographer I would show you what I see.
If I was a poet I would place in immortal prose the magic in these moments.

This season literally takes my breath away.
The color combinations are thrilling. I saw a wisp of creamy lemon leaves hanging on a trunk of dark grey and charcoal today. If I had a nursery I would paint it so. The two red trees in the midst of Acacia park are etherial. I have never seen such shades of burnt ambers and ocher's, mixed with auburn and brick red. Stunning in the truest definition of the word.

I walk on my daily journey to and from bus stops in a state of literal exhilaration over the decay that dazzles my optical receptors. There is a fox that meets me on this journey. He lives in a cul-de-sac and it is as if he knows when I am coming. His red coat pops as the background behind him is turning a phenomenal shade of yellow. He stares at me as if I am just as strange as I find him. I attempt to take in his cunning and mesmerizing state of being. This quiet stolen moment we have in the morning is filled with expectation and respect.

My current guilty pleasure is smunching, crunching and whisking piles of leaves as I walk. There is an exhilaration that builds inside as I briskly pass through the dropped and forgotten death, that days ago were adorning the tree above them. It causes a remembrance of being a child, and as such the little one inside me breaks free for a short time before I must lock her away for the very respectable job that I have.

Oh joy.
Freedom.
Smunching.
Eclectic display of the Glory of God.
I think I was made for this day.
I am alive in a way that I cannot describe.
I feel overpowered by awe and delight.

Simply delicious.

death is intricate

...see?

detail beyond belief.

even the act of dying is beautiful and momentous.

a little reminder to enjoy every moment. :)

A Glimpse of Something Treasured

Do you remember dreaming? You know in class when you were eight, that daydream that caught you by surprise when you finally found something that you actually enjoyed learning? Do you remember following that idea to the happy place where the dream became reality and you grew up to love what you did? Do you remember that thought, an idea that sent tingles down your spine, causing your “playing house” to morph into playing doctor or lawyer or baker? What was that one moment when the world just fit; everything fell into place and you felt you for the first time in your life?

What was that dream?

Why did you let it go?

For me it was too good to be true. That captured thought would not be tamed, and even if it could be there is always an evil lurking in the corner. I felt that if I tried to do what I loved it would somehow break and that I would somehow cause the break.

I remember the dream. It is still tantalizing, it still sends tingles to my spine. Today I am no longer afraid of doing what I love. I am no longer going to shy away from what feels right. I will not let the possibility of a broken thing affront my hope of a better thing.

For it is always true that the story will only get better, as the storm passes through. The stories must be written, truth must be shared, and my own vision must be revealed.

The time has come to remove the veil, for I have found my dream.

Relief

Today I feel planted. I feel like a tender seedling that has been growing in an itty-bitty seed pot, for the last 27 years of my life. Today I feel that I have been put in the ground. I can feel my roots already reaching for richer soil. This is strange being able to move differently, but it feels so good. It feels right.

Today I feel lighter. I feel like pet bird. A bird that has received so much love, but a bird that has been locked in a cage. Today I found the open window, and I am flying high. Soaring above the buildings, living as I was intended to.

Today I feel loved. The tremendous help I had drawing me towards this momentous event in my life is overwhelming, in a good way. I could have never gotten to this place on my own. I could have never kicked my habits, or learned about family, and relationships, or God, or love, or how to respect you, or how to tolerate scary movies without help. I am forever grateful for those of you who have pushed, pulled and even at times dragged me to this day. I will be forever changed.

Today I feel the newness of this moment. I feel that I have not only turned the page, but also actually sealed the book, and started a completely new one. Scratch that, I have turned the page, finished the book, and then bought a kindle. Today is crisp with newness. The decisions I am making today are affecting me for the rest of my days, and for the first time I am proud of this novel.

Today I feel myself. There is no longer a need for pretense or self-discovery. I know who I am, but more importantly I know who I am becoming. The lovely lady on the inside is satisfied with this moment, because she knows there is only a better thing to come.

Today I am resolute. Change has always turned my world upside down. I usually let it win, but this time around it did not. I let it come and hit me with its hardness, and at the end it was only a scary storm that I am standing on the other side of. This is proof that the planting has taken.

Today I feel planted.