hope?

i have been deeply moved by the thought of hope recently.
what is hope?
dictionary.com says that hope is:

–noun
1.the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope.
2.a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
3.grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is little or no hope of his recovery.
4.a person or thing in which expectations are centered: The medicine was her last hope.
5.something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope.
–verb (used with object)
6.to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
7.to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory.
–verb (used without object)
8.to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.
9.Archaic. to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in).

hope is a state of mind then? as if putting all your good thoughts toward something will make it better? i began to ponder the hope of people. what do people live for?

• i see women who give up family and friends for their careers in hope that becomming successful will help them feel something.
• i see men who give up their respectiblilty for hope of a "good time".
• i see children who hope for a better futere than they ever had.
• i see people who have given up all hope and are sinking this great ship we call life.
• i see people put hope in all types of currency; sex, drugs, booze, parties, work, pornography, gaming, shopping, and any other thing that can be associated with obsession or addiction.
  

these things i believe are unintentional. no one as a second grader makes a resolution to his teacher that when he grows up he will be a sex addict and let that run his life to the point of losing his family, his job or even his sanity and freedom. what about the women who try and compete with the sick and twisted standard that this pornography addicted country has set for them? the idea for beauty now parrallels with what is going on at hugh heffner's mansion instead of what is beautiful on the inside. you are beautiful, if you have the right jimmy choo shoes, the bi-weekly blowout, the perfect waistline, the darkest tan, as much plastic surgery as you cannot afford, and a heart of stone. this is what your beauty is always judged by. there is nothing worse than the uncontrolable urge to be accepted.

the dark side of these stories is that worth has become a mere issue of control. we lie to ourselves: "if i can find the perfect high or become the most beautiful or find the most satisfying partner, then i will be happy. then i will have hope, then i can live with myself" i have said this before, but i believe the worst lie is the one you tell yourself.

have you ever felt complete? in all the searching has man ever felt enough? full? satisfied? the proverbial fountain of youth leaves much to be desired, as the fountain always leaves you thirstier than when you first sipped that "magical" liquid. sounds like too many are still searching for something to be lived for, something that will fill the ever expanding black hole of the soul. in all our philosophies and religions you would think that someone might soon shout EUREKA!

so i ask again, what is hope?

a wise man once said, that eternity has been put into the hearts of man. there is something deeper here, than a race for significance. there is a quiet desperation that we try to delete from our lives. you don't believe me? go into any bar in the city and look into the eyes of the guy at the and of the bartop. his eyes are dead. there is no life. there is nothing on this earth that will ever satisfy. his worth cannot be found, so he has given up. he sits at the bar hoping against all hope that there will be some sort of solace in the muffle of the alcohol. he will never be able to drink enough. although this desperation is quiet it will eat at you untill you fill it.

there is something deep inside of every man, woman and child that requires us to hope. it will push our limits untill we die. it will press us to keep looking untill we can find it. i have tried many things in my short life to try and fill this immesurable hole. some look at my life and see the patterns of addiction as a form of self-destruction, but i know there is more to it. there is a deep and passionionate need in my life to be without this quiet desperation. i require more in my life to live.

the question i put forth today is not a rhetorical one. i want you to look inside, deeply and ask yourself these questions: what are you living for? what is the hope that you put your entire being upon? what is the ideology that you are resting your soul, your worth, and your future on?

there are more ponderings on hope to come. but i am going to sit here for a bit. i am looking into my own heart, soul and desires to see if my hope is secure. what are my motivations for being? if you are hopeless, please i beg of you to ask yourself these questions. if you have hope, do you actually trust it to the point of death?