The City Sparkles Tonight

It has been awhile.

I think I say that often…more often than I should in fact.

So without further ado, a blog post.

I wish I could make each one of these worthy of printing, but I feel that the stage is already set for a bit more of a rambling venue, so ramble on I shall.

This is my most favorite time of year. I ever so enjoy the general display of holiday cheer. I love the way the temperature fluctuates from a sticky hot 70 to a breath stealing near zero chill. There is something about the attitude of the people around me, be it the lady who flipped me off because I tried to pass her when she was going 15 under the speed limit, to the over zealous “Black-Friday” shoppers that will literally kill to get their deals or those lovelies who are singing Christmas carols as the little kiddos ring their buzzers for some Halloween candy. I love the smells of cinnamon and nutmeg, cloves and the taste of eggnog and pumpkin. Darling outfits coupled with layers and layers of beautifully stitched sweaters and stockings, fuzzy warm jackets, balanced of course with leggings and legwarmers. I love the boots and the gloves, hats, mittens, scarves and other bits of winter gear that keep me toasty during my hour long commute in the frigid mornings. I love the way the frost bites the tree trunks before the sun comes out to melt it away. I love the crunching sound that the snow makes under foot as I walk my path. There is so much to love, but the most treasured thing about my own holiday experience, are the lights. I went to the grocery store after dark the other night, just so I could enjoy the way the lights dance off of one another.

It is magical.

Watching the twinkles and the sparkles brings a deep stirring in my heart. This stirring and movement is often further away than I would like to admit and it is sometimes so soft that I barely see it. This ebb and flow of my soul haunts me. It causes deep introspection and will always cause a spiritual stutter in my day. It is my affections being stirred by my Lover. You see I am learning so very much as I am re-entering into a sober society. My heart is a minefield of idols. Things that seem trifling, but upon a second glance are rather rooted in my life. Swaying my life like a little rudder on a ship. I have so many things that steal my time, my love, my romance, my purity and my livelihood. The one that sits most proudly and claims the largest landmass of my heart, is me. I am my own worst nightmare. The desires of my soul have misdirected my attention, my time, my finances and even my love. There is a simple slur to the beat of my heart at all times. I am so broken, and in this I am limiting the very nature of God in my own life. As I try to differentiate the between necessity, need and want I see that I will often replace a necessity with a want. Let me spell it out for you. I would rather clothe my body, which will fade away than feed my soul that is eternal. I would rather do my makeup in the morning than eat breakfast. I would rather sleep in than carve out time to pray or read my bible. Sadly this is not the end of it. I keep my money tight against those in need, but am quick to justify a needless or mindless purchase. I would rather pine for a physical lover that may never be, than to realize the One who is right before me. Oh selfish and brutal heart how you betray me. What evil you are capable of, how quickly I can fall for you!

Ah, but all is not lost.

And this dear friends is the True sparkle in the darkness. We are saved. We are not lost, “all we like sheep have gone astray” - but He has come to save us. The lights strung out in front of houses are a reminder of the shooting star that brought three wandering kings to the foot of the King of Kings, about two thousand years ago. A tiny baby born to bear the flesh we are burdened with, born as man, yet fully God, to redeem our hopeless state. What a difference this moment is, my evil heart was purchased, these chains are no longer mine to carry, these idols are no longer mine to battle. This heart in all its shabbiness is His and He has already won. So as I purvey the landscape of my soul, I see places that seem dark and doubtful, but I know that that excavation is not mine to begin, nor mine to worry over. My heart is mastered by a beautiful Love that has already won.