Fly With Me?

Just in case you were wondering, signing up to raise $10,000 for the She's Worth It Campaign in one month is one of the scariest things I have ever done.

I have learned that people in my generation have a thing for causes. This is to our glory and to our detriment. There was something about 9/11 that radically rewired our brains to deeply desire to help others in tangible ways. I read about a study years ago about the turning tide back into the trade industry. It's like terrorists not only took lives and buildings, but also tore down the walls we had built up around our humanity.

There is something about justice and the trendy causes that have always tugged my heart. The kind of justice that stands up courageously against INJUSTICE. I have for many years thought that this tug for setting the broken world right, was something that was an optimistic fable fed to me by the media.

And maybe there is a truth ring to that, but what I'm finding is that this pressing, tugging, momentous urge towards JUSTICE is a mirror reflection of the image of my maker. As I am swept into the over-arching love story of God to us, I see a God who is radical about justice. God is a God of justice.

God is just. And rightfully so. If he wasn't, then I would have a VERY hard time standing in awe before him. Because I want justice. I want persecutors to "get what's coming to them", I want slaves to go free and captors to be punished, I want the lawless to be brought before judge and jury tp pay for their crimes. I need justice in this world. It gives me hope in a way that not much else can.

But God is not only just, he is also merciful, and this too resides in me. Mercy as it pertains to scripture is most often connected to God WITHHOLDING judgement. The bible is brimming with examples of this character trait of God. Jesus preaching the sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:43-48 showcases this well:

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (ESV).

Mercy meets Justice in the way God is perfect. And though I will never be perfect, I have been given the gift of redemption, through the most precious moment of God's Justice intertwining with his radical heart of Mercy: Jesus on the Cross, squarely fit both pieces of God's character. Now when I sin against God and he requires Justice, I have standing before me Jesus Christ who mercifully steps in to take my place.

It seems that the most transformational moments of grace are when they are combined with justice. And here is where knowledge becomes something otherworldly. Because I am made in the image of God and carry with me (on all points in this journey of sanctification) the Imago Dei, then the most radical hope I can have, is when I mirror not only justice or grace, but both together.

 

This is the space where trafficking becomes real for me. For the longest time, I learned of this terrible reality that our broken world actively participates in, I read books, wrote blogs, watched documentaries, wrote papers for school, read blogs, and more. I was a massive sponge for information. I took in as much as I could find. These are not easy realities, with simple solutions. The vastness of this issue, and the enormous hold it has at a world wide level is unfathomable. Taking the time I did to see the multifaceted breadth of Human Trafficking was innately important.

But listening is not enough. At some point you simply become a sieve, information bloats and stagnates, and ultimately you will begin to lose precious information. This happened to me. I became smelly and stale as I continued in my American Consumerist patterns, losing my passion for people as they became overwhelming numbers. Danielle Vermeer wrestles with this reality in her own life and shares:

"You are educated far beyond your level of obedience. Now is the season for being obedient to God's call on my life by sharing my knowledge and experiences on human trafficking with others."

As I have second guessed my partnership with She's Worth It Campaign, these words washed over me in sweet relief. Am I a fundraiser? No way! Am I the best person for this job? Far from it. Will my small voice address the enormity of the issue, or be a perfect representation of justice and mercy? Eh, it will be a mere raindrop in the ocean. But has God called me to this specific battle field? Absolutely.  

Here I am, armed, equipped, prepared and engaged, yet it is all for nought if I never step foot onto the field, and actually fight for what I believe in. I am only another glutton for knowledge feeding on sensationalized media until I burst.

I believe that for me, this means using my voice, my platform and my influence for the glory of God, and to fight human trafficking.

Slavery is not ok. It comes in many forms. The black and white reality of slave labor harvesting cocoa beans on the Ivory Coast for the chocolate industry, and the grey fuzzy lines that surround prostitutes, pimps and the pornography industry. This problem affects children, women, men, and changes how we look at fair-trade, free trade, and what has been termed the sex industry.

This is not going to be an easy battle, nor do I suggest simple solutions. But I do believe in adding my voice to the growing number of people who think it's time somethings changed in the way we live our lives. I am an abolitionist and I will stand for freedom and the sanctity of every human life. I do not have all the answers, or even complete sustainable solutions, but I do have a call on my life, and I cannot keep silent.

I am learning the sacred moment when knowledge sprouts wings and becomes something closer to wisdom. It was about time for this girl to leave the nest. Which just so happens to be terrifying. I'm just learning how to do this, I'm getting stronger, but still finding my voice. Will you fly with me?

The She’s Worth It Campaign is gaining momentum every day! Add your voice to our growing movement! Join my little army here and help us raise $10,000 for Indian Rescue Mission and The Klein Frank Foundation. Be brave, let your wings grow!

 

 

Courage & Hope

This is 2013 my year of Courageous Hope.

You know the kind of year that makes things happen, because courage doesn't mean hiding and because hoping is dreaming with feet to stand on.

I have some insanely hopeful ideas that I will be sharing with you throughout the year. Some are big, some are little, but all take more than just a bit of bravery and more than a bit of looking at the world not as it is, but as it should be.

 

Printed Courage on ETSY

The first one is simple in thought, but maybe a the most difficult in reality. 

 

I want to see an end to slavery in my lifetime. 

 

Yup that's right.

End it. 

February is Black History Month and as I look back into American History and see what has happened in our past, something deep rises up inside me as I see people fight willing to fight for justice.

 The history of our civil war is where people fought, bled and died for freedom. The history of brave souls defying the laws and treasuring life so deeply, they began to do whatever it took to get those in bondage to freedom. I remember Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, Rosa Parks, Harriet Beecher Stowe, and Martin Luther King Jr., who culled their unique talents and creativity to change the course of our history. 

I look in our history and see courage, vravery, and people willing to give their lives for what they believed in.

 Friends we are in dire need of some of that same character today. This applies to all issues of justice, not simply the one I wave a banner for. The world we live in is dark and twisty. There are many injustices that we need to fight against, but the one that I want to bring to your attention today is the reality of modern day slavery. If you have walked with my blog for a bit, then you have read my reactions to this horrendous reality, or you may have heard me speak on this issue. If you are new to this conversation, let me try to unravel your confusion quickly. 

 Slavery is real. It is happening today. Slaves make a lot of American clothing, they harvest our food abroad, but also in the states, and the most vile reality is that women, and young girls (aged younger than you can stomach) are tricked, coerced, brainwashed, beaten and defiled, used and drugged, then sold for sex acts, and pornography. The reality of this is hard to think about, but the numbers are even harder to understand because they are just too big to imagine.

 There are an estimated 27 million people enslaved all over the world today. That is the almost the same amount of people as the ENTIRE state of Texas

 I know what you are thinking, that's just problem in other countries, right? Wrong. We just celebrated Super Bowl Sunday as a nation. The lowball estimate of young girls and women that were shipped against their will into New Orleans for the explicit use of sex, is about 10,000. That would be as if we packed up every single person living in Monument, and Manitou Springs and moved them out.

Well, then this doesn't happen in Colorado Springs though, that's just big city problems, right? Wrong again. 

According to Stop Child Trafficking now 2.8 million children run away in the U. S. each year. It is estimated that within 48 hours of hitting the streets one-third of those children are lured or recruited by sex traffickers. Go down to Urban Peak and ask them about this stat and they will tell you that in Colorado Springs the numbers are the same.

After I got saved this issue became a hot topic for me. I wrote papers on it, I posted blogs about it, I went to documentary viewings, and conferences, and here's the thing, I'm done listening. I am an abolitionist. I want to see slavery end in my lifetime. This will take Courage, Bravery and being willing to stand up for what I believe in. 

So for the month of February I along with Stephanie Zellar and Lani Rankin, are looking to raise an army of people who are willing to help us. Partnering with the She's Worth It Campaign we are looking for 100 people who will use their influence courageously, by asking 10 of their friends for donations of $10. We are bravely asking to raise $10,000  by the end of this month for two amazing organizations.

1) Indian Rescue Mission Indian Rescue Mission is out for the help and support of impoverished and abandoned little children, to change their destiny for eternity by providing Justice. We love to see these victims from clutches of poverty, discrimination, illiteracy and exploitation and become dynamic personality with a bright future. Irrespective of their religious background or any other social discrimination, we count them as Gods very own and seek to eliminate child sex trafficking in India. 

Our funds will directly go to fund two months of rescues, the hiring of two social workers to meet with rescued girls, or to aid the director for the sewing project that reaches out to women currently trapped in prostitution. http://www.indianrescuemission.org

2) Klein Frank Foundation The mission of the Klein Frank Foundation, a 501c(3) non-profit corporation, is to stop human trafficking whether it be in the sex trade or indentured labor through these values. We are here to inspire, support, grow, and succeed together. 

We are looking to raise funds that will go towards building a phone app linking ALL US healthcare providers to trafficking screening tools in ALL languages, for a training video to be distributed across the US to help professionals recognize the signs of trafficking and for a Colorado State Employee to manage the fund comprised of fines generated from Johns for police and restoration programs. Find out more about their local programs here: http://www.init2endit.com/

Will you be courageous with us? Will you bravely stand for freedom? Will you help us in this mission to see slavery end in our lifetime? We really need your help, these girls are desperate for our help. I would love to answer your questions so please leave a comment, and please be praying for what your part in this movement to end slavery can be. I believe that slavery can end in my lifetime, and that She Is Worth It! Will you be one of our 100? We would love for you to join us! Click here to give! 

 

 

Sober: The Unveiling of My Broken Hallelujah

 Today’s post is part of a link-up sponsored by Prodigal Magazine and SheLoves Magazine. So often we know our cracks; we’re familiar with the brokenness. On this journey, by writing through our stories, we hope to let in more of the light and find more of the Hallelujah. Add your story or read the broken hallelujahs of others here.

"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." 
— Louisa May Alcott 

I remember my last taste of beer. It was with my then roommate. I was warily learning to navigate the world of sobriety and had set in place rules and boundaries so that I would be able to drink, safely. For some people this would be sufficient, but for me as I tentatively sipped the frothy dark, chocolaty, brew, I realized that my relationship with alcohol was over. It wasn’t because I behaved uncontrollably in that moment. Or that those few sips were sinful, or that those moments were held against my rules of accountability as a broken contract.

This season marks four years. Four of the hardest years of my life. Four years of growing and shaping. Learning to face the pain head-on that I had tried to tuck so deeply inside of the muted superficialities of my addiction. Four years of sobering realities. Four years of learning to be vulnerable, to love deeply, to show up in my own life and to be known. Four years of learning to navigate self-control. Four years of learning to navigate life with restraint. Four years of learning that limits are sometimes more freeing than unlimited possibilities. Learning that parameters allow my heart to beat rhythmically. That the quiet muse of creativity is borne out of the moments when the screaming hag of addiction is quelled.

I never finished that beer. Halfway through tipping the glass back, the realization hit that there was no room in my life for both addiction and creativity. I found the numbness overwhelming my senses and realized that everything inside of me was screaming for clarity. That my heart was beating out of sync as the claustrophobia of this moment continued. I noted that there was no longer any room in myself for dampening or muting or hiding. I realized in that moment that I had always been hiding. Hiding behind the folds of my mother’s skirts, hiding behind my siblings’ big personalities, hiding my truest nature in the oddity of my homeschooled ideations. I have always hidden. Sobriety is unveiling me.

I imagine God to be a bit of an extremist when it comes to rescuing people. Through the Gospel narrative, I find hope and healing bound in radical ways. Jesus sought out those who weren’t worth much in the eyes of the religious norm. So it was in my story, God swept me off my feet in the darkest night of my soul. I had forgotten what it meant to be loved. I had forgotten what it meant to be alive. There I was at the bottom of the pit, that I had deliberately dug, so far down, I had forgotten what it meant to be a child of the day.

In THAT moment. He came. Jesus fully garbed with climbing gear and ropes to spare, found me shivering and loveless. He wrapped his arms around me, resuscitated me, breathed life into my weary threadbare soul, and sobbed with me. Then he fitted me with a harness, and rigged me up to a rope of hope. He rescued me, but his rescue did not just mean an easy fix. I had dug myself a hole, and restoration meant climbing back out of it. God and faith are not a quick fix. There are days that I feel this climb has more backwards regression than forward momentum. True. Honest undoing has called for a real look at painful realities.

Sometimes I wonder what progress actually means. Is it forward motion or does that even matter? Because sometimes I feel like simply I’m spinning my wheels, that I’m only repeating patterns, that I’m incapable of loving rightly.  Sometimes I still feel more broken than whole and that balanced wholeness is just a myth. And that sober minded means more than refusing alcohol.

This journey is harsh and I’m in the arduous middle parts. The unfulfilling padding thud of redundant and ominous realities that Tolkien paints in the tale of  Two Towers. It’s the weighty sigh of a woman learning to live uprightly. Not that I think my life compares to the epic nature of Middle Earth, but I do see the similarities of my plodding monotony. Truthfully, I see that God is here. He is with me in every redundant failing, in every labored leading, in every painful fatigued and broken hallelujah.

“Maybe there’s a God above, but all I’ve ever learned from love, was how to shoot someone who outdrew you. It’s not a cry you hear at night, it’s not somebody who has seen the light. It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.”

Hallelujah—In all my broken wanderings.

Hallelujah—through every pieced together beat of my broken heart.

Hallelujah—in every whispered cry for help.

Hallelujah—in every day faced with a fully-present mind.

Hallelujah—with every sorrowful realization of my own incompleteness.

Hallelujah—with every cracked cry I make in my daily living out understandings of worship.

Hallelujah—for grace that covers every inadequacy, and every half attempt at love.

Hallelujah—for the beautiful moment that Christ incarnate, burrowed into my hole, and rescued me.

Hallelujah—for the day when all the sorrows of this broken cry, will be made new.

Hallelujah—for undeniable hope, and relinquished control. For a sobering courage to try again. For the strength to sing once more. Hallelujah. 

 

 

From Evernote:

A Stirring Clipped from: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=philippians%202&version=ESV

Blogging used to be a simple open conversation, a place to speak out loud the rumination of my mind, a "chewing on the cud" if you will in a virtual setting. What I am finding though is that it has become a platform for dissension. Frankly, I only write when I'm frustrated. Now as an artist, I do understand that there is a place for this. This is not something I every want to lose. Beauty will always abound in the torrential, in the unsafe and in the discord. But, if I ever want to become a Titus 2 woman, who grows in Godliness, then I must also be conscious of the beauty that abounds in moments of peace, in sacred contemplation, and in times of exuberance. 

So, I am introducing a new recurring theme to my blog. One that will continue to answer the question: What is stirring my affections for Christ? Answering this question will cause me to reflect on the good. To asses what brings my joy, hope, and strength; in essence where my dignity resides. Though this blog platform will never show my truest nature, and I will never have the ability to be so self aware, that I understand myself completely, I do hope that this paints a fuller picture of the woman of God I have been called to be. I pray also that as I open up a conversation into a bigger story, that this would spark a fire in your own life. Christ is everywhere, but it is our responsibility to point out and proclaim those divine intersections. 

Without further ado, here is what is stirring my affections for Christ: 

Just recently, my life has taken a sharp turn towards a fuller missional reality. I work part time as a hairstylist and part time at my church. One unexpected result of this transition has been a huge freeing up of my time. As an artist, this allows me space in my day to create in response to inspiration. It has given room in my schedule for times of organic creating. This gray swing top is an example of just that. I was inspired here, and because I had time, that inspiration became a reality.  

Another design flow:

This + this + this + that = 

These moments of creating have allowed me to sit under the tutelage of our God as creator. In these moments of fabric collisions I am utterly aware of how deeply I worship through the act of making something out of "nothing". It draws me to realize how colossal God is, and how difficult it is for me to create and how with ease God created in divine complexity. My heart is deeply stirred for God in these moments. 

Little miss Ava is my buddy. We are learning from each other. A few months ago, Ava's mother Ashley and I were asking each other what a Titus 2 woman looks like. What does it mean for a woman to train up another in real moments of LIFE? We decided to put feet to our question and begin to messily integrate our lives. We both saw a common need, and began to reach out and meet it. Ashley and I now walk every morning. This daily rhythm is becoming such a sacred space for me. Allowing room in my life for daily conversations with a Godly couple such as Ashely and her husband Brian, is teaching me so much about intentional Godliness in a family setting. What a treasure this is for me as a single woman to be able to be a part of a family. I am so thankful for these moments!

My sister Hunter has decided to move to Colorado. She is staying at my house till she finds a space to call her home. We have been able to drink coffee together, squint at For Rent signs and get all her applications for college squared away. I love having active relationships with my family and this has been such a renewing season for use both! 

Speaking of coffee... I got a cold brew coffee system and I am in love! It brews simply, sweetly and fully loaded with flavor. It also enhances my patience as it takes anywhere from 12-24 hours to brew. In my opinion the wait is worth every second! How do I see God here? Well, I have a hard time seeing ANYTHING before I have had a cup of coffee. :D

This year has brought me to such a wonderful place! I am so astonished that I have the opportunity to serve God with my specific talents. I am amazed that God would write into my daily life small tales of restoration as I walk ladies through the process of cutting their hair. There is such a sense of renewal and reviving. This is hard work, but the end result is purely divine! 

Finally, I have been meditating on Philippians 2:1-11. It is such a simple, yet complex telling of the impact of the Gospel in our lives. 

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

I wanted to really sit on the first part of this passage for awhile, so I decided to chalk it up. I had seen some handlettered art that really inspired me, so I shamefully copied their style and input Philippians 2:1-3. Its lovely, and it is moving me closer to the heart of God. 

 

*the two on the left are the inspirations and the one on the right is hanging in my house*

Two questions I hope you ponder deeply:

1) What moments in your week were intersected with the Divine?

2) What actions are you taking because of these moments?

Don't Ever Aspire to Change the World...

"Don't ever aspire to change the world, because you can't change the world. Nobody can change the world. The very best thing you could hope for, is to change yourself."
-Jean Vanier Founder of L'arche

There is Always Beauty in the Pain.

Its true. There is such beauty to be found on those dark days that reek of death more than life. 

Funny thing though, sometimes you must work hard to unveil the beauty...

Sunday night my sister finished the intern requirements that she committed to. I am so very proud of her! She has such a love of theology and discovery. She is not afraid to ask the hardest questions and she charming beyond measure. This program has taken so much of her time that she hasn't had the chance to really settle in our adorable little home. 

I decided it was time to change that! Hannah's room is huge! In the sense that giants built her room. If I had to guess, I'd say her ceilings are 11ft tall. No matter what you put on the walls, there will still be a huge gap as the ceilings make everything miniscule. I decided she needed a chandelier. 

Since money still doesn’t grow on trees, I had to be thrifty.

I grabbed a wire rack from my Mama’s give-away pile, and I repurposed a couple bunches of dried roses that Hannah had tucked away in her closet. I do say the result is quite lovely. 

I hung the wire rack between two of my dining room chairs as I strung them on the rack. I really wasn't too particular, but I did want a cascading effect so the longest roses are in the middle and they get shorter to the sides. 

This process was quite tedious! I would reccomend a seccond hand if you try this at home. One person threads the roses and the other hangs them on the rack (chicken wire would actually be pretty neat also!).

I would reccomend also being careful stringing them on the rack. It would be really easy to get the roses tangled and once haning hard to undo. I used green thread, but fishing line would work just as well! 

What a fun and simple way to make this room shine! As this is a surprise, so I hope she likes it as much as I do!

I think this would be a great view to wake up too! :)

Divine Intervention; A Lesson on Failure and Scars.

The taste of failure is bitter.

I remember the first time I took a dive on my bike. It was as if the whole world shifted off its axis and threw me off my wheels. The shot-putt trajectory was aimed directly at the pavement. I can still taste the metallic sting of blood in my mouth and see the fried nerve endings retreating back into my gaping knee. My skin still bears these scars of failure, those ever-gruesome moments a faint memory as the skin has healed and by divine design the flesh resolved to renew itself.

I carry failure with me in these scars.

I believe that this physical world shadows the spiritual. Just as our skin bears wounds, so do our hearts. Several months ago, I maxed out. Hit the proverbial wall. Burned out. Fried. I was working 42 hours a week, churning through a full semester of accelerated college courses, all while trying to balance worship band and odds and ends at church. My plate was so full, it was overkill.

It was all about me.

As I look at all the "stuff" I tried to accomplish, I cannot help but laugh at myself. What was I thinking!? Once I felt the fall coming, I paired down everything I could. I stopped bringing snacks and coordinating the welcome team, I said goodbye to my fellow bloggers and fired myself from all of the superfluous. I thought bare bones would be enough, but when the world tilts, and your balance is shot, sometimes the only way out is down.

My failure was blindsiding.

Finally pastors came to me, lovingly and gently. With courage and great strength they told me I could not help them in this season. I was too busy. I was too weary. I was already bloody. I just couldn't see it on my own. They helped me see my failure and face it head on. They apologized for not leading me well and allowing me to overextend. They shouldered the weight and cushioned my fall. After we sat and cried, I left the room and for the first time in months felt freedom.  My heart was relieved, as I fully felt ok to be broken.

Let me repeat: the physical is indicative of the spiritual.

My failure was painful. This cost more than a simple swallow of pride. I extended every ounce of energy into this monumental breakdown. My body revolted and the wound reverberated into every area of life. A visit to the doctor was just as revealing. He told me abruptly that he couldn't give me a pill for a lifestyle, and if I was trying to take my body past the point of its capabilities it would shut down. His diagnoses (not surprisingly) was that my adrenal glands were fatigued. I needed to make some radical lifestyle changes or there would be no healing of my ailments. I realized that my physical condition mirrored well the taxed state of my soul.

"It's ok to break, but it isn't ok to stay there."  -Matt Chandler.

As I took a look around at the aftermath of this failure, I realized that the very things I wanted to do most were the first things to go. My failure cost me my passions. This recognition hit me very hard. I retreated as, introverts are prone to do, and I faced off with my oldest foe: depression. But as all seasons change, so did this one. In the Spring, I felt the surge of new life and realized that I had to make a significant step.

Trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
     fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
    and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV

God woos. This is a repeating pattern in my life. As I was nursing my broken spirit and my bruised pride, he gently began what he is always best at: restoration. My passion was redeemed and I finally was able to face the depth of my failure. “Do not lean on your own understanding.” It is one thing to see that with your mind, it is an entirely other thing to actually live it with your heart. Like a bull in a china shop, I followed my instinct, relied heavily on my own understanding, and let my life become more about the doing and less about the being.

Redemption is a relationship.

It takes more than I possess to live out my calling. As I realized the loneliness of my failure, I found again the refreshing life that comes from the ache for my Savior. I began to dig into Scripture and pray that He would guide my steps and fashion my days. As I realized more and more what direction I wanted to take, I realized that only he could make it a reality.

When walking hand in hand with Jesus, the burden is light.

Suddenly, my life was simple. Though I am still battling with my health, I am no longer stressed by the "small stuff".  I trust implicitly that God will take me where I need to be. He has intricately juxtaposed my life with certainty. The act of living out the call he has placed on my life became so simplistic, I barely had to lift a finger. Through his guidance, I am now a paid intern at my church, through his leading I am now a business owner, through his softening I am getting paid to style hair and help others feel the inherent beauty that resides deep within. Through his guidance, the things that I am most passionate about are the not getting swept aside. God is using the past to redeem the future. None of this would have happened on my own accord and none of this would have happened if it were not for my failure.

Failure happens.

It is messy and painful. But as I stand amazed at the renewal of redemption, I realize that this failure was a tool for God's glory. I am honored to bear this scar on my heart; I am better for it. I pray that this broken moment would shine brightly of the exquisite nature of my Beloved. I pray that the scar of this failure would be an ever present reminder of how much I need him to survive. 

The Cost of the Artist

So you say you are an artist.

You CREATE.  Or was that REcreate?

There is nothing new under the sun.

True.

But still…

 

Is your art costing you ANYTHING at all?

 

Imagine with me for a moment at the dawn of time. Either you will believe this or you won't but at least follow my logic for a moment.

 

God.

Created.

 

Do you think that a being who is known as almighty, all-knowing, and present everywhere did not understand the cost of this creating?

 

Do you think he had no foreknowledge of the amount of pain and suffering that he HIMSELF would endure because of the story that would unfold?

 

God created the heavens and the earth, afterwards he looked out and called this creation good. He looked out at his creation and saw it not simply for what it was, but for what it was going to become.

 

Fallen.

Broken.

Void of goodness.

 

Yet he looked out and called it GOOD.

 

God cannot lie. It is outside of his nature.

When he calls something good, he means it.

 

Now back to you, the artist.

 

When was the last time your art cost you deeply?

 

When was the last time you stuck your neck out to CREATE? Not just another knockoff that others might enjoy, but something deeply transparent, something insanely different, something far from selling out?

 

I ask again, how much does your art cost you?

 

Are you willing to create something so magnificent that it may cause you pain?

Are you willing to pay the ultimate price as an artist? 

Or are you simply looking for the fame and glory?

 

If I were to look at companionship for a moment, and say that I was a gold digger looking to get married you would scoff. Because that is selfish. Marriage is not about what you can get out of a mate, but more so what you can give.

 

So it is with the creative soul. I can tell by your paintings, your stories, your poetry and your designs, when they cost you something deeply.

 

I can also tell when they don't.

 

How much are you willing to offer?

 

I ask again how much is your passion actually costing you?

Living Out Your Gifts

"We are all missionaries. Wherever we go, we either bring people nearer to Christ, or we repel them from Christ. I believe God that God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. When I run, I feel his pleasure."
Eric H. Liddel, Chariots of Fire

What are you an expert in? What is the thing that you do so well that you know you were made for it? What is your life bent around? What is that one thing you do that you feel Gods pleasure over you when you do it?

For me? Its bringing out the beautiful in others. What joy it brings me when I have the chance to help someone see something in themselves that they didn't know before. I was made for this. God gets excited when I am able to act out my calling. Now your turn.

What were you made to do?

How Can You Know?

Of Aslan in Prince Caspian: When all seems lost....

Peter: How can you know?

Lucy: What do you mean?

Peter: To have seen Him? I wish He had given me some sort of proof.

Lucy: Maybe we are the ones who need to prove ourselves to Him.

Tension. Introversion. Brokenness. Healing. Glory.

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The wealth of information at our fingertips is vast, yet no matter how hard we try, our ability to absorb it is weak.

 

Tension.

This is the state of existence that an introvert resides in. Tension, like a rubber band pulled taut. There is a consistent pull of her level of comprehension and normalcy at any given times. Some people think that the term introvert means that she doesn't like to interact with people, but this couldn't be farther from the truth; she longs to interact, she longs to embrace the exuberance of the people around her, she longs to belong in the social world.

 

The reality is though, that she sees the world through different eyes, and as such, she must live out her perception of it. Though you often will find her on the outskirts of a crowd, unable to reach out, there are times that she is able to mask it, temporarily of course. This dichotomy is deafening, defeating, differentiating, yet deliberate. You see, God made her this way, with forceful intention and descriptive creation. "I knit you together in your mother’s womb, carefully constructing the woman I want you to be" he says.

 

Perception. It is the way you see the world. This girl will always see more than necessary. She will stand at the concert taking in the music that overstimulates her ears, she will absorb the flashes of light, she will notice the irregular stance of the couple in front of her, she will notice the quality of the fabric that covers the skin of those around her. She hears the whispers and the mutterings of those around her. The lady across the room with the elegance of a monarch butterfly catches her eye, while another fellow introvert to the left of her shrugs off the caress of his girlfriend; his mind is overtaken also and that touch puts him over the edge. This girl catches every spilled drink, every odd look, and every thudded trip on the stairs next to her.

 

                                                                             

Overstimulation like a bad drug will run your mind, body, spirit, and emotions into the ground. An overdose of endorphins;  your body can't take it and shuts down as more stimuli is presented. Sometimes I wish that I could share the way I see the world with others, moments like these are too torturous to bear, and wouldn’t it help to have someone carry the burden? Tears well up as I write that last line. Yes, it would be nice, yet empathy can only go so far. The reality is that you can only understand what you yourself have discovered.

 

 

I try and compose my heart, but the rhythm of my day is beating down on me. Grind, settle, tamp, pull, froth, pour, flourish, repeat. There is simplicity to this monotony, yet the excessive babble of those around me crashes into my harmonious relationship with the espresso machine. The only way I am able to survive in the world of an extrovert, is through the rhythm of this complex process of extraction; making coffee soothes my mind.

 

Grind, babble, settle, yammer, tamp, gush, pull, yap, froth, yell, pour, sigh, flourish, marvel, repeat. What is it about this position where people feel the need to expose their souls and share their depths? I fail to see the similarities between me and the shrink, yet so it goes, an outpouring of the human condition with every drink made.

 

 

Stimulus can be addicting. As stated before the rush of endorphins to the adrenal glands is exhilarating. Addiction though, will kill you in the end. The overload to the system always comes at different times. I pull up to the gas station realizing my car is facing the wrong way, a simple problem with an easy solution, but not today. Today, I cannot fathom the intricacies of the geometric pattern it will take to get my car in the right lane, facing the right direction. I know I cannot see what I must do, but I try it anyway. More cars begin to fill the lines for the twelve pumps ahead, and my options for successful entry dissipate, seconds pass with the thud of blood rushing through my veins, my heart swells as the race to feed my brain oxygen ensues. My breath becomes shallow as the cars close in around me. I forcefully exclaim some profanity or another and then the torrent unleashes: “Why can I not do this?” “Why is this simple task so hard?” “What the hell is wrong with me?!” I finally admit defeat as I almost back into another car, my heart is thudding so loudly it leaves little room in my body for anything but forceful motion of the blood pumping thruough extremities.

 

Overstimulation should be fair reason to take ones license away. When your body tenses through the climax, the remaining reality of claustrophobia ensues. As your brain shuts out all excessive provocations, the natural state of  seeing everything becomes an oppressive reality. In protection your body gives you tunnel vision, your hearing goes dim, and forward momentum becomes as difficult. It’s as if you are suddenly swimming through Karo syrup. Everything goes eerily far away, yet the dimmed perceptions only mask. Your mind knows it is being tricked. Subtle reality check ensues and a crash of mental acuity begins. The world is closer than I perceive it, and in a flash all deceptions fade away, the reality left behind is stark and closer than my skin. The  protective haze is gone and the world is so present. I cave in and simply want to sleep, this caustic moment must decease!

 

 

Pull over, shut your eyes, breathe deeply, sense nothing. As if you could separate the heat from the flame, the logic of this notion compels you to scoff at the very nature of your predicament, but you must try. “Lord help me!” Breathe. “Become the peace you promise me!” Breathe. “Be with me in this moment of suffering!” Breathe. “God let this cup pass!” I selfishly cry. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In Out. Deeply the rhythm once again calms my soul. “Ok, Lord if you ask me to suffer this way, then I ask that your glory shine brightly through it. Take this heartache and use it for your fame.” Breathe, deeper in my core with each gasp, closer to the nature of my being with each exhaustive exhale. They say that Yahweh literally means breath. Every deeper grasp of oxygen I take, draws in the essence of the Divine. Even in this broken moment God is significantly present. As I push away from the world around me, I settle in the deeper understanding of why God made this broken reactionary trail that leads me straight into the arms of my Savior.

 

 

I cannot love God rightly. I have no capacity for the fullness this requires. I have no capability to see him in the strange extraordinary places. In my dim understanding, I love him as I must, but in these terrifying moments of human brokenness, I love him as I am. God goes out of his way to woo me, and this is why I would never ask for a more sympathetic understanding. God fully knows me in the darkest places of my soul, he transcends all understanding and reality to paint the canvas of my life with the enormous reality of his love. Broken I may be, that Christ, be the glory that shines in my healing is his and his alone.

Learning to Love

"My beloved speaks and says to me:
'Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
   and come away,
for behold, the winter is past;
   the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
   the time of singing has come"'
Song of Songs 2:10-13

All that I am, every facet of my being, every stirring of my soul, is swept up in the most romantic love story. I am bound by this love, rooted by this love, and established by this love. All that I gain, all that I do, all that I accomplish, is for my beloved. For the glory and fame of the One that I love. I am swept away by the absolute  grace that frees me daily. Thankful for the opportunity to live redeemed. Not perfect, but saved nonetheless. How can I respond in any other way than deep, eternal, intrinsic, love? This is truly a divine romance, and I am simply captivated. 

 

Intellegence Rarely Comes From Knowledge...

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Leadership:

"Although he received only an elementary level of formal education, Charlemagne possessed considerable native intelligence, intellectual curiosity, a willingness to learn from others, and religious sensibility—all attributes which allowed him to comprehend the forces that were reshaping the world about him. These facets of his persona combined to make him a figure worthy of respect, loyalty, and affection; he was a leader capable of making informed decisions, willing to act on those decisions, and skilled at persuading others to follow him."

- Charlemagne. (2012). In Encyclopædia Britannica. Retrieved from http://ezproxy.ccu.edu:2059/EBchecked/topic/106546/Charlemagne

 

"And my prayer for you is that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment."

Phillipians 1:9

Announcements for Thanksgiving Week

 

The Sound of Snow: A fundraiser for Restore Innocence

 

Saturday, December 17 at 6:30pm

The Ivory Banks and Josh Dillard

New options for a building, please keep this in your prayers! Keep your ears peeled as we will be able to share more on December 11th.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

We are continuing our series in Galations, "The Epic Tensions" will pick back up in Chapter 5. Bring your friends and family! See you there!

 

One LOVE!

OVERCOME

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The life I have been blessed with has been very trying of late. I have had physical limitations that are overpowering, I have encountered my old foe depression, and I am plagued with dehabilitating fatigue that overwhelms.

 

Today though I realized something about the word overcome. It is a word in process, a word of action, a state of being. I have been so overpowered by the afflictions of my predicament that I have forgotten the nature of BEING. Although there are many conditions that create the very nature of life, I have been focused on circumstances rather than the actuality of existence.

 

I AM in a state of overcoming. No matter what the circumstances are, two and a half years ago the “status” of who I was changed from defeated, to overcoming. America is where I hail from. The strange land that has culturally taught us that the only way to live, is perfectly. But my life is a mess and I am a mess inside of it. I live in complete chaos. There is a continued spiral of decay that is alive and well in me. I think that there are many people who would look at my life in astonishment as I declare the center of my life, revolves around Christ. I hear the cries already: “But if God was real then she would be better!” or “If she was a true believer then she would get her act together!”.

 

The problem with these lines of thinking is that they are both self-centered. The first: "If God was real, then..." Well, I’m not God, but I am personally hard to understand. Who am I to question the motives and actions of the one who calls Himself “I AM” if I cannot even fathom the depths of my own soul?  In all honesty, I would rather worship a being that makes no sense at times, than one who perfectly aligns with my underwhelming mind. The other thought process involves a ridiculous notion that the common state of being for any human is perfection. If I have my facts straight, this has never been our “natural” state. We are imperfect beings.

 

In John 16 Jesus is speaking to his disciples about what is to come. He says:

 

Do you now believe? Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

 

He speaks with authority and in a very clear way he communicates the reality of what will happen on the cross; the literal moment of overcoming. He who has overcome the pain, the trials, our sin and shame; now lives in me. I leave you with the glorious worship that is Romans 8:18-39. This is my state of permanent being. I have already overcome through the power of Christ, now I eagerly wait for redemption.

 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?

           

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

           

            God’s Everlasting Love

 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,

 

              "For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

                        we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

                                    

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

The Lamb Led to Slaughter.

We speak a good deal about that supreme mystery of our faith, the death to self. For, as we have heard, he who would save his life shall lose it, and he who loses his life for Jesus’ sake shall find it. But what does that really mean -to die to self? Does it mean, perhaps, selling my car and going on foot or by bus? It might. We can’t rule out the possibility. Does it mean, perhaps, selling my good clothes and furniture so that my wife and I should sit around in rags on orange crates? It might. Certainly we can’t dismiss that possibility either. For the problem is that words like “dying to self” are translated into some kind of action, or something that actually happens -that is, some real change -they don’t have any real meaning. So we certainly must try, eventually, to translate them into the language of action.

But before we get too hasty and impatient there are some things at which we should take a hard look. The first is that we have a rather incurable tendency always to refuse to really listen to the words of God and instead to translate them immediately into something we are going to do, indeed, can do. This is what we always do with the law. We take it and translate it into a do-it-yourself kit for salvation. It is as though we think we are going to do God a big favor by living up to what is demanded of us and even, possibly, put him out of the salvation business by accomplishing all or at least some of it ourselves-even if that turns out to be just a teeny-weeny little bit. But when we do that we really come a-cropper when we come to this word about dying to self. For what can that possibly mean in a do-it-yourself religion? Here God has set a snare for us in our easy confidence that we are big enough to handle the job. For this is a word that we find difficult to handle. We find ourselves forced either to ignore it -which we mostly do -or to try to cut it down to size so we can handle it -maybe by selling our car or our furniture or our clothes. But even then we can’t rest too easily with it, for we are never quite sure that that is enough. For however much discomfort such actions may cause us, is that really dying to self? They may be just another means of keeping myself in the business of doing God big -or little -favors, and thus of protecting myself from really hearing the words. The trouble is that the self keeps getting in the way.

But what then does it really mean? When considering this question, I was struck by some of the incidents recorded in our texts for today. For here we have the picture of Jesus on the way to his death. His disciples are with him, and are apparently figuring that they are going to have a hand in what is about to happen. They want to go along. They want to help out, to do their bit in the business of bringing in God’s kingdom, even, as Peter says in Mark’s account, if that means sacrificing their lives. But the really difficult thing for them to take, as I suspect it also is for us as “religious” people, is that in the final analysis there is absolutely and utterly nothing they can do. When Jesus sets his face to go to Jerusalem, Peter wants to do something about it. He sets himself in the way and says, “God forbid, Lord! Don’t do it! Don’t go!” Peter wants to do God a favor -to protect and preserve the Messiah and his kingdom. But Jesus looks at him and says, “Get thee behind me Satan! For you are hindrance to me, you are not on the side of God, but of men” (Mark 8:33)’ This, Jesus says, is something that must happen; it is going to happen because God wants it, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

And at the betrayal in the Garden of Gethsemane when the crowd comes out against Jesus with swords and clubs, they still want to do something. They still want to do their bit for God. They want to take up the sword and risk their lives, perhaps, and fight. One of them grasps a sword and cuts off the ear of one of the assailants. But Jesus will have  none of it: “Put up your sword,” he says, “for there is absolutely nothing you can do!” In Luke’s account, Jesus even stretches out his hand to undo what the disciples had tried to do -he heals the wounded man. At that point, no doubt, everything within us cries out in protest along with the disciples. Is there nothing we can do? Could we not at least perhaps stage a protest march on God’s behalf? Could we not seek, perhaps, an interview with Pilate? Could we not try to influence the “power structures”? Something -however small? But the unrelenting answer comes back, “No, there is nothing you can do, absolutely nothing. If there were something to be done, my Father would send legions of angels to fight!” But there is nothing to be done. “For how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?” And when it finally came to that last and bitter moment, when these good religious men finally realized that there was nothing they could do, they forsook him and fled.

Can you see it? Can you see that hidden in these very words, these very events, is that death itself which you fear so much coming to meet you? For there is nothing that the old man -the self which must die fears so much as having everything taken out of his hands. When they finally saw there was nothing they could do they forsook him and fled before the awesome truth. You, who presume to do business with God, can you see it? Can you see that this death of self is not, in the final analysis, something you can do? For the point is that God has once and for all reserved for himself the business of your salvation. There is nothing you can do now but, as the words of the old hymn have it, “climb Calvary’s mournful mountain” and stand with your helpless arms at your side and tremble before “that miracle of time, God’s own sacrifice complete! It is finished; hear him cry; learn of Jesus Christ to die!”

Can you see it? Can you see that really the last, bitter death is there? That in that cross God has stormed the last bastion of the self, the last presumption that you really were going to do something for him? Can you see that the death of Jesus Christ is your death? He has died in your place! He has done it. He made it. He created a salvation in the midst of time and his enemies. He is God happening to you. It is all over, finished, between you and God! He died in your place that death which you must die; he has done it in such a way as to save you. He has borne the whole thing! The fact that there is nothing left for you to do is the death of self and new birth of the new creature. He died to make a new creature of you, and as he arose, to raise you up to trust God alone.

If you can see it, perhaps then you can see, or perhaps at least begin to see, what is the power of God’s grace and rejoice. For that is the other side of the coin once you have gotten out of your self-enclosed system. Then perhaps you can turn away from yourself, maybe really for the first time, and look upon your neighbors. Maybe for the first time you can begin to receive creation as a gift, a sheer gift from God’s hands. And who knows what might happen in the power of this grace? All possibilities are open. You might sell your car, or even give it away -for someone else. You might find even that you could swallow your pride and stage a protest march -for your neighbor -or begin to seek to influence the power structures! For in the power of his cross the way is open! The way is open to begin, at least, perhaps in faltering ways, in countless little ways, to realize what it means to die to self. For that, in the final analysis, is his gift to you, the free gift of the new man, the new woman, the one who can live in faith and hope, for whom all possibilities are open!

via thegospelcoalition.org

I experienced firsthand the overwhelming pain of helplessness this week. In a very literal way I stood by incapable, as the lamb was led to slaughter.

In this moment I did what I do best.

I fled.

My heart breaks to say this but it is true. I did not run to my Savior, I ran away. In true form of the example set by the disciples, when I saw there was nothing I could do I ran away.

The most amazing thing about this moment of humiliation is that God is here, even when I run. God is good, even when I run. God is true even when I run.

I am learning to trust that this horrific situation, that I can do nothing in, will be turned for God's Glory. Even though I ran, there is grace for me also, I am being turned for God's Glory.

As you read this sermon by Gerhard Forde (and I pray you do!), be reminded that it is not central to you, but most importantly hinges on Jesus.

"Jesus paid it all, all to Thee I owe,
Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.
Oh praise the One who Paid my debt and brought this life up from the grave!"

A Conversation on Theology

via theresurgence.com

Over the past few months I have seen a wide spray of conjecture based on current "popular" leaders opinions in the Christian world. It is very refreshing to hear a conversation with four of those such leaders who are all very different in understanding certain views.

Bloggers and fast-paced information movement has caused us to lose sight of CONVERSATION and move into complete and total thought driven SPECULATION. As I watch these four men, who are integral to the heartbeat of the Christian Movement today (this is true whether you agree with all of their doctrines or not), I see a facet that a lot of us have missed: Discussion.

As we are very vocal beings it is important to know and share what you believe and who you are. Do not miss this. Please continue to surmise and interpret, please continue to let others know what you see and how you see it, but most importantly please do not forget to take a moment to hear more than your own voice.

There is a reason that others see the world differently than you do. Instead of persecuting and even protecting these views, how about listening with fresh eyes the other side. Maybe the middle ground will be Jesus.

As you watch this video, hear the nuance of differences, but also realize that there is always a middle ground. May we learn from these gifted men the art of conversation.